Archive for the ‘Managing Emotions’ Category


Chronic Pain Management – Small Words Give Great Hope

May 5th, 2009 by Julia
A few small words can keep hope alive.

A few small words can keep hope alive.

Sometimes our daughter has had rough patches that lasted quite a while.

During such time it can be difficult for all of us to remember that eventually things will get better.

I bumped into John from the physiotherapy department one day at the hospital. I surprised myself by saying how bad things were.

He said, “Look we see it such a lot here. Kids come in and they look awful. Down the track things are fine again. We see it so much – we just know they are going to get better soon. It is so much harder for parents because they don’t have that experience to draw on.”

I carried his words home with me like a precious jewel I’d found on the road.

One day my daughter asked her doctor, “Will I ever be well again?”

“Yes”, he replied with great confidence, “this time next year your life will be about something other than being sick”.

What a difference a few words can make. They help keep hope alive when difficult times go on for too long.

Wonderful photo thanks to HuaTongOversea at Flickr Creative Commons.

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Parenting A Child With Arthritis – Some Struggle Is Healthy

May 5th, 2009 by Julia

The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.
Scott Peck

If we step back kids can feel their own strength.

If we step back kids can feel their own strength.

Most of us understand that it is only through some struggle that children learn and grow.

If you protect them from too much they are unable to develop strength and judgement of their own.

I think it is harder to remember this if your child has an extra layer of suffering in their life.

As a parent I can’t take away her pain. So maybe I am a little too keen to step in to remove discomfort when I am able.

Parenting is hard.  Parenting a child in chronic pain is even harder.  There is such a temptation to try to make up for all the pain.

So I have had to learn to ask my daughter to do her house jobs even though she is in pain.  Like any normal teenager she won’t want to do them.  Like any normal teenage parent it is my job to insist.

It all sounds so obvious now but I have found this difficult to get clear along the way.

I’ve also learnt that the best person to solve my daughters problems is my daughter. We might listen and make recommendations but she is the one solving the mystery of her own life.

Photo courtesy of zenera at Flickr Creative Commons.

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The Art of Being Angry When Your Child Is In Chronic Pain

April 29th, 2009 by Julia
Dogs in pain will bite people they love.

Dogs in pain will bite people they love.

As a child growing up on a farm we had a lot to do with cattle dogs.

If ever one of the dogs was injured it would take up a position in the far corner of the shed or under the house.

To help the hurt animal you first had to get close. You then had to avoid being bitten.

I learnt the lesson very young. Dogs in pain will bite even those they love because they are frightened.

I have caught myself being a bit of a wounded cattle dog on occasion. It can be heart breaking to watch your child in pain and not be able to take it away.

The stress and uncertainty can turn this mellow Mum into a snapping snarling Dragon Woman.

My friend Judy has this quote on the back of her toilet door.  I couldn’t help thinking how true it was.

Anyone can become angry – that is easy, but to be angry with the right person at the right time, and for the right purpose and in the right way – that is not within everyone’s power and that is not easy.
Aristotle -Ancient Greek Philosopher Scientist and Physician 384 BC-322 BC

Have you noticed yourself being angry when you are really just worried about your child?

Kelpie named Indy courtesy of Michelle Joyce at Flickr Creative Commons

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Advanced Fear Strategies for Late Night Worriers

April 26th, 2009 by Julia
Late at night, when you are worried, things can seem a lot worse.

Late at night, when you are worried, things can seem a lot worse.

As you may have experienced, the wellness of children with rheumatology issues can fluctuate dramatically from day to day.

One night I was particularly worried. I emailed a friend.

Kay knows a lot about the anxiety that health issues can cause.

She is also highly trained in psychology and counselling.

I found her reply comforting.

Advanced Fear Strategies.

No matter what we do we can’t side step suffering. It is the fabric of the universe along with hope and compassion and love and hate and desire.

We live with the delusion that we are meant to be happy. This is not true. We want to be happy but we aren’t meant to be anything.

You are weaving your life with the colours that you have. Expect nothing. The past and future dim the lights. The worst you fear may never come true, the best you hope for may be the least of it.

Today you are scared and sad. Of course you are. Another day you will have hope and happiness. Of course you will. You already know this.

A clear head doesn’t mean hope and happiness – it means knowing what you are experiencing in the now. You already know that. You already are.

Watch the pain come and watch the pain go. Attaching to it takes all our energy – you don’t sound as if you have a lot to spare right now.

Life isn’t linear. We run, we peak, we plateau, we stall, we slide, we swim around in circles. None of it means anything in terms of outcome. We are duped into believing that it does. Let that go.

Breathe. Watch the sun set. Remember insignificance.

And remember – after enlightenment – the laundry!
K.P.

Have you found some words of wisdom you would like to share? I would love to hear from you.

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